Shaping Up a Bit

It's been two days since I (re)started the diet and there is slow and steady progress. I still have that scrapey stomach feeling and nausea, with bloating and gas, but I can tell it's calming down and things are moving. I detect pressure in my ears. I had more steady energy today. For breakfast I had two tortillas, each with an egg, raw garlic, red peppers, avocado, coconut oil, salt, pepper, and cayenne inside. After work I came home and cooked a stove top pork chop, baked some green cabbage, made rice and a little side salad of arugula, radish and cucumber. It was of course completely satisfying, but toward the end I felt really full and nauseated once again. So I did what anyone who is feeling crampy and bloated and overheated (it's hot out) would: I went shopping for clothes and shoes. I was surprisingly successful. Scored some super lightweight running shoes and a cute pair of dress shoes in taupe, my new favorite color.

I feel relieved to not be eating sugar or drinking alcohol. Overall I'm sure my tissues will settle down within two days, with occasional inexplicable flare-ups. That's okay! I'm doing great!

Feeling much better than two days ago, and it shows:

Cheers!

Linz

Feeling very like poop

Oh, how I have let things spiral downward over the last several months. It all started with the holidays of 2013, when I became lazy and indulgent. It's early July now, that was eight months ago. Steadily, slowly, I have slipped into a version of eating and habits that I had before I ever started this journey. I still obey certain rules, like avoiding dairy and nuts, but I have drank beer, eaten pizza, and developed a new love of wine––a yeasty paradise for my candida.

This week I am feeling the full brunt of my actions. I feel huge. There is immense pressure in my body. My lower back and foot-tops are spongy and swollen again. I've had diarrhea for days that turned into constipation. My lower back hurts. I have been drinking tons of water for two days. We're talking like a hundred and fifty ounces a day. Still, I feel parched and terrible. I don't want to leave the house; I feel ashamed of how I look and am also in a state of severe discomfort––a grinding, scraping feeling is making its rounds in my stomach, up high. My lower abdomen is sour and loose-feeling. I feel nauseated with a hint of acid reflux.

I need to remember how to do this diet and lifestyle again. Reading through my entire blog from beginning to last September has sparked things within me, reminded me what I am capable of. Where is my logic? It needs to take over for me because I'm a mess.

I guess the main plan would be to stop drinking alcohol at all costs, and to stop eating the snacks at work. Just stop. It's possible to go out and not drink. It's hard, because I've made some friends recently and one of our fun things is going out drinking, which has been really fun, but also led to some difficult emotions. I can't tell which comes first, the drinking or the emotions. Which breeds the other?

This morning I had a piece of vegan, gluten-free coffee cake at the cafe, and two full blast americanos. I knew it was wrong, but I'm so in the shit now that it doesn't seem to matter what I do, I feel so disempowered at this time that getting back on the horse seems so far away.

I'm clumsy and banging into things. I am socially awkward. I desire no contact with other people.

What are my best weapons?

I'll make a list:

raw garlic
oregano oil
candi-stat
Dandelion and Milk Thistle Tincture
Anti-fungal tincture
Water
Pau d'Arco tea
Coconut oil

I have a lot of these things. I can incorporate coconut oil and garlic into practically any meal.

What have I been doing that I need to stop immediately, right now?

Alcohol
Over-caffeination
Under-hydration
Pastries from work
Bread
Wine
Cheese

What foods should I get have on hand or acquire?

Goat yogurt
Rice cakes
Avocado
Coconut Oil
Chicken
Fish
Tortillas
Eggs
Lemons
Rutabaga
Jicama
Green leafy vegetables

What kinds of meals should I eat?

Brown rice, chicken, steamed veggies

Rice cake, cold chicken, cucumber

Remember, meals can and should be small. It might take a while to get re-accustomed to plain, tiny meals, but ultimately that's what feels the best and makes the most sense.

What have I eaten today?

Two americanos
Coffee cake (berries, almonds, sugar, not sure about flour) **BAD
Baked cod with white jasmine rice and green pepper
Scrambled eggs with smoked salmon, onion, green pepper and a flour tortilla

And how do I feel?

Super bloated
Dizzy
Tired
Grumpy
Out of it
Clumsy
Gut discomfort and pain
Twitchy
Hopeless
Weepy
Depressed
Anxious
Guilty
Confused
Aggravated
Frustrated

Here is a picture of me today, it's horrible:

I think my waistline is literally twice its healthy size. I honestly don't want anyone seeing this, but this is what is happening. It's the truth, an honest look at where I'm at. If I'm honest with myself, I know that I am not as fired up to do this diet as before, but that doesn't matter. What matters is making the right choices in small ways that will add up to momentum, which I can look forward to. It only takes a few days to start feeling better.

My work schedule is full for the next few weeks, I'm going to have to make sure I have food and snacks to eat. This requires foresight, which is difficult to have when I am so out of it. Tomorrow I'm opening the cafe. This means I should wake up a little early, make egg wraps with at least one vegetable, coconut oil, raw garlic, and maybe some blueberries for a snack, if I can get myself out the door to the coop tonight before they close in two hours. I wish I felt like I could leave the house, go on a walk, anything. This is the worst!

Things can only get better, I suppose.

Goodbye for now,

Linz

Cruise Control

I'm in a gray area these days, on cruise control with my diet until I can afford to see my doctor again. After 3 1/2 months I am feeling good but still having multiple symptoms. Instead of easing back into "regular" eating, or introducing allergens back in, I feel the opposite is necessary: now that I've learned to live without yeast, alcohol and sugar, maybe I can take things to a deeper level. I am fading some yerba maté into my mornings, in an effort to have less coffee. I had a single shot americano today and tomorrow I will probably do the same...just fade it out. It's the beginning of the school year today so my café hours are down to a minimum. Time to turn over a new leaf!

Today the phrase "Embrace a new Ideology" popped into my head. It feels as simple as deciding to be more optimistic, adopting a new movement routine, or just switching morning beverages. I think what spurred this on was my visit to Megan and Aaron at the farm yesterday. They have a brand new baby and it was a beautiful experience to visit them. Those two are so in touch and make things happen in their lives. What an inspiration they are to me. They're working to not gossip around Hawthorne, or expose him to rage. It is so simple. They cited the Buddha as their inspiration. "The Buddha knows what's up" they said. Coming from practically anyone else I would dismiss it as hogwash but they have certainly earned the right to say things like that, and also to give their child the middle name "Moon" (he was born under a full harvest moon in a field, duh).

I took the notion to make an apple custard today, it is bubbling in the oven right now. Here is what I did, it was super easy:

In a food processor or blender, blend:

1/2 cup yogurt
1/2 cup coconut milk
2 eggs
1/8 tsp each of cinnamon and nutmeg
1/2 tsp vanilla
pinch of salt
1/4 cup coconut flour

Cut up an apple and divide it among small custard ramekins or something similar. Pour the custard mix over the apples and bake at 350. The recipe I mimicked said to submerge the ramekins in water that comes halfway up the level of the custard, so I put them all on a baking sheet and did just that. We'll see how they turn out! So far they have been in for about 30 minutes and are starting to firm up pretty good. I'll let you know how it goes.

I got too hungry today and ate some french onion soup from the french bakery today. I scooped the bread and cheese off and ate the rest with a plain salad with lots of olive oil and lemon. It was good but immediately after eating it I felt sort of uneasy and itchy on the inside. I know it wasn't the best thing to eat, it has balsamic vinegar in it. And to be honest, I left some of the stringy cheese bits in there. I was so hungry. That's what happens when I drink a single americano and get excited about tasks! I forget to eat!

School starts in less than an hour, gotta go. Take care!

Linz

Goods but bads too

I've been taking really good care of my body for over six months now. I eat well: plain yogurt for probiotics, vegetables, organic meat, I don't ever drink or party, I get plenty of sleep, I take supplements, I drink decaf. I have to wonder why I still am having problems with my health.

I have lost about 20 pounds, which is nice because my pants fit better and all that, but to be honest I feel like if it's not one thing it's another. A few months ago I got a urinary tract infection. It was so bad by the time I saw the doctor that we had to go with antibiotics. My doctor advised me to assess my illness after 3 days of the antibiotic and if I felt good, to not take the whole course. I know she was looking out for my best interest, and for my gut health. I decided to stop the course after 3 1/2 days' worth. I felt fine, but there was still a sort of burning sensation close the exterior of my body. A month later she tested me and found I still had the infection! So I had to take another round of antibiotics, this one more expensive. After that course I still had burning, so I saw her AGAIN and she found that I had bacterial vaginosis. So I took an antibiotic suppository for a week and the symptoms of that cleared up, but on the last day of THAT, I started to have intense itching. I called her, she recommended oatmeal baths. They have not helped and it is a month later, still itching, still burning. I seriously don't know what else I can do, and I am really frustrated. I don't have health insurance, and I have paid thousands of dollars this year chasing the problem around my body.

I have made another appointment for tomorrow with my doctor, but at this point I feel like I'm being rushed through the process, never getting anywhere, never enough time to really go deep on things. I feel like she doesn't remember much about my situation and we have to go over all of it again every time I'm there. I don't know, I am aware she's a doctor and has hundreds of patients, I just don't like how the system is set up, where I have to pay $75 every time I just want to talk about something. There is no in-between, no way to get advice between appointments, and the appointments are always so short. I am an hourly wage worker, it is a big deal to me to spend $75 for the visit plus the cost of prescriptions.

Linzes

This is me today! Woohoo! I am actually below my ideal weight range, so now I am going to focus on strengthening and reshaping.

In other news, things aren't as hunky-dory as they might seem. The last few weeks I have suffered a urinary tract infection and had to take antibiotics, and I've also had strong yeast infection symptoms, a little bloating, dizziness and sluggishness. I blame coffee. School is about to start and I will only be working two days a week at the café so hopefully I can exercise some discipline with my coffee drinking.

Hope everything is going great for everyone, Steph and April; how is it going??

Linz

'tis the Season

Hello!

So, today I was craving pumpkin pie in a big way. I decided to try a candida diet-friendly version. It's baking right now! I didn't make a crust since I can't have butter or nuts, but do look up a nut crust recipe if you can have those things! Here is how I made it:
 
Pumpkin Pie
 
INGREDIENTS

· 15 oz. can pumpkin
· 3 large eggs
· 1/2 C xylitol
· 1/3 C plain yogurt
· 1/2 t ground ginger
· 1/4 t grated nutmeg
· 1/4 t ground cinnamon

DIRECTIONS
Blend everything together and put in a pie pan greased with coconut oil. 
[Note: I improved upon this recipe by replacing the xylitol with 1/4 cup agave nectar. I also added a pinch of salt, some fresh grated ginger, and a squeeze of lemon]

You can also make coconut ice cream if you have a couple coffee cans or an ice cream maker! 

Here's the ice cream recipe, you have to scroll down a bit. I haven't tried it yet, if any of you do it, let me know how it tastes!

And here is a recipe for a berry coffee cake I make sometimes:

4 eggs
1/3 cup coconut oil
xylitol and agave (to taste)
1 tbsp vanilla
1/2 cup coconut flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 cup berries (frozen or fresh)

Just mix the wet ingredients together and then add the dry. Fold in the berries and bake at 350 degrees until it's done (my recipe says 20 minutes but it usually takes more like 30-40 to really get baked all the way through. Our oven is weird, just see how it goes with yours!)

Oh, one more recipe; an unleavened bread, super simple:

1 1/2 cup stone ground wheat flour (or other sort of hearty wheat flour)
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 c soy milk or water
1/8 cup oil

Mix dry ingredients. Mix liquids together and add to the dry. Stir until no dry flour remains. Dough should be moist but not sticky. It takes a little time for the flour to absorb the liquid, so don't be in a hurry to add more flour. Don't over work the dough, just shape it into a ball with oiled hands and drop onto baking sheet. Cut an "X" on the top with a knife. Pour some olive oil over it and then some coarse sea salt. Bake at 350 for 40 mins (although this is a half recipe so maybe check it around 20 minutes!)

This bread is great just out of the oven with some olive oil and fresh sheep's cheese, and with soup!

Hope you're all doing great! Gotta run!

Love,
Linz

Messing Up/Getting Back on Track

Everyone messes up sometimes. It is pretty much assumed that people on a special diet may "cheat" a little, and cheat I did, although it is all very ambiguous. I wasn't exactly eating bad things, or things not allowed, but I wasn't being particularly mindful of vegetables and clean proteins and such. I have been overdoing it on coffee and eating sausage and flour tortillas a little too often. The worst mistake I made though was getting a UTI. That could've been prevented easily but I was lazy and in denial. I won't make the same mistake again. It lead to me needing antibiotics, the absolute antithesis of everything I'm doing. Per my doctor's instructions, I took the antibiotic for just 3 days instead of 5. Apparently finishing the course doesn't apply to UTIs. And it worked. I am trying to hit it hard with probiotics, but I am FEELING IT. Yesterday I ate a meal and my stomach got HUGE. I haven't seen in look that way in months. It felt terrible. My intestines and digestion are all in a funk.

Well, another mistake I made but which I am almost glad I made is that that I drank a shot of tequila last night. I went to a show where some friends of mine were playing. It was old friends from Portland, and Crabtree was there too, so it felt like a special event. I didn't have to work today so I agreed to go out after the show, huge gut and all. I wanted to be festive and I'd read that of all the alcohols, tequila is the least offensive to candida sufferers. In fact, some schools of thought suggest that it isn't bad at all to have the occasional shot of tequila or vodka. Well, I did it. I got drunk on the one shot. I felt very emotional and unstable upon arriving home and went to sleep immediately before I had the chance to say something stupid to Ange like "Do you still LIKE me??" or some such silly nonsense. I don't have a hangover or anything but my gut is still huge and problematic today, and a strange little thing occurred, which is that I have about ten little bumps on the back of my left hand. They don't hurt or itch, but I feel sure they are related to the tequila and/or the indigestion problem.

The good news is that I'm baking some chicken and vegetables and am going to eat them with quinoa and steamed green beans. And a salad. I haven't eaten clean like that for a while and I plan to do that all day. I might not even have any fruit either. Just super clean eating.

In other news, I have been considering going to a therapist! I think I could really benefit from this, I have a lot to talk about and work through.

Love,

Linz